All these turtles who lie upside down flapping their chests, washed ashore, stranded on a beach or stuck between the rocks, are attention seeking narsacists – looking for love or a beloved’s hand to calm their nerves, pat them and carry them back to their fun-n-games in the sea. Try kissing its sexy neck and it withdraws like a sulk; try riding a giant one after the ‘rescue’ and he dumps you deep with the first tide. Ah, try me next time…